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Is that your final answer? (Or how to take your balls out of your purse)
Risk, it isnt just a board game for those wanting to take over the world, it is also something we are faced with every day. Little risks like trying a new salad dressing, big risks like moving across the country. Physical risks like cutting off all your hair, superficial risks like a new lipstick colour. Every choice we make in our lives involves some form of risk.
Me, myself and I have been in battle lately. Actually I should say Me, Myself, I and my girl Cori have been in a battle lately. Every day the poor girl gets a message from me weighing out the same risk day after day. Im sure she pictures me as a woman on the edge of some kind of mental break down, twitching and repeating myself.
The “what ifs” have invaded.
Now, those of you who know me know I am not one to shy away from risk or keep my mouth shut about anything. Ill be the first one to tell you to take your balls out of your purse and do what you need to do or shut the hell up about it. I will listen and weigh options and help in any way I can, but if I think you need some encouragement I have no problem being the one shoving you out there. I also normally have no issue kicking my own ass out into the spotlight (odd since I have a fairly severe anxiety disorder but thats a whole other blog).
Hey guess what? This isn’t normal. SURPRISE!
Yup, internal debate going on about taking a big risk. Well a big risk for me. I have a history of painful relationships. Family, friends, lovers… Mental, physical, emotional pain (Again, whole other blog). I dont take lightly the responsibility of friendship and love. People have come and gone in my life who I thought would be there for the long haul, so now when I meet someone I feel is special I dont like to risk losing them.
Bringing us back to the whole topic of this blog, Risk.
What happens when one of the special people in my life starts to become special for reasons beyond friendship? Well all of a sudden the relationship is at risk and I turn into this fucking scared little girl, who cant seem to make her brain work. Hell even this blog post has taken the ultimate amount of effort to make it coherent. (Which if anyone knows who or what the fuck Im talking about should prove how much thought I have put into this and how I do not take the whole thing lightly).
Do I take the risk and say something? Take my balls out of my purse and step up to the plate? Continue to ramble incoherently until im committed and dont have to worry about it anymore?
*BRAIN EXPLOSION*
Have I mentioned I also have a huge fear of rejection? No? Yeah well…. its not helping HA!
