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The First Step…
So they say the first step to beating a problem is admitting you have a problem.
I’m not good at admitting my faults (or asking for help with them, but that is a WHOLE other blog). Even the thought of admitting a problem is making my a little shaky. I can honestly say Im not sure if I will hit the publish button at the end of this.
I have an eating disorder.
Eating disorders arnt just a problem for girls that look like they might blow away in the wind, as serious as those disorders are.
I am a binge eater.
At home I rarely eat during the day, but at night, after the baby goes to bed… food becomes an obsession. Yet its not your typical obsession. I dont think about it, I just eat. I eat until it hurts. Then I question why I ate that much then I go to bed and repeat the process the next day. During the day my body survives on pop and sleep. Im lucky, my daughter is a napper. She loves her 3 hour naps and so do I.
When Im not at home I find it easier to eat normally. I eat when Im “supposed” to eat or when everyone else does. When I lived in a place where meal times were very structured and I was basically told when to eat I was SO much better! I needed less sleep, I felt better, I was better physically and mentally.
I can tell you all the advantages of eating properly. I can tell you how to eat properly. I cant seem to make it happen in my own life. Normally it doesnt bother me. I am who I am. I do weird things, I have weird habits, I dont think about it.
Except tomorrow my daughter turns 2. Already ive noticed her eating habits slowly starting to mirror my own. I ALWAYS feed her breakfast and she loves her breakfast. Fruit, yogurt, muffins, cereal she loves it all. Lunch though is a different story. She’s started taking a few bites and then being done, or having her time through lunch time and completely ignoring her lunch when she wakes up. Then at dinner its like she has never seen food in her life. Her dinners are balanced and healthy and I have no problem with her eating as much a she wants but I want her to eating to be balanced time wise.
So its time to fix my problem and set my daughter on the right path.
Im admitting my problem, I am a binge eater.
Post started at 6pm. Sent at midnight. I guess I hit send after all.
